Cooked Goose

The Key to Pleasure

For every instance of sheer, unadulterated pleasure, fantasy football exacts at least two measures of brutal pain. Those of us who love it, know this; it’s clearly a love hate thing. For every, “Yeah! Go, go! Touchdown!” there are twice as many, “Awe, no, NO! Not to the fullback! C’mon!” Case in point: Last year in our league, the poor fella who lost in the Championship started Tony Romo. Romo if you recall was on a tear going into the fantasy playoffs. And at home against Philly, all signs pointed “Go!” Then in the first, Jason Babin came up the middle. Romo in his follow-through inadvertently punched the top of Babin’s helmet. His throwing hand swelled up like a grapefruit. Unable to grip the ball, Romo was pulled. When pulled, he had exactly 0 fantasy pts. Zero. Zilch. Nada. To make matters worse, the rest of the poor fella’s fantasy team went off. In the end, he lost by a point. Yeah. This really happened. One point. In the Championship Game. Romo gets zero, and he lost by 1! Brutal.

Next time you’re in one of these fantasy “headlocks”, remember, it’s the “fantasy” in fantasy football that both pleases and pains. It’s the illusion. At the heart of fantasy football like all fantasies, there is an illusion of control. It’s what makes it fun: picking, sorting our line-up, playing a hunch. Our game of illusion however is played on a field of reality. Each Sunday, the day that counts, our fantasy interplays with their reality. And we’re reminded that we have zero control. There are real GMs, real coaches. Stripped of illusion, we’re relegated to screaming at the heartless LCD.

So, for me, here’s the key to enjoying the fantasy football experience: Loosen the grip, raise the hands, and go happily screaming with the ups and downs. It’s fantasy man; gotta embrace the fact that we don’t have much control. As much as you’d like to take credit for taking Steve Smith in the 10th round, you really shouldn’t. You can no more take credit for Steve Smith with your 10th than be blamed for Chris Johnson with your first.

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